Friday, December 31, 2004

Right Wing Hackery With Street Cred 

CNN’s oh-so-counterculturally-hip “entertainment reporter,” Toure, just cited Michael Moore among the celebrities that had a “rough year” in 2004.

Yep, releasing one of the highest grossing movies of all time constitutes a "rough year" in my book.

Translated into right wing propaganda, a language in which CNN is quite fluent, read this statement as:

“Michael Moore was battered in 2004 for being a lefty scumbag out of touch with mainstream America.”


Thursday, December 30, 2004

"He's clearing some brush this morning." 

Yeah, I’ll buy that.

Man, there sure is a lot of brush on that “ranch” (i.e., the western operations center for the Bush Evil Empire).


Wednesday, December 29, 2004

The Small, Selfish Bastard They Call “President” 

This is quite fucking infuriating.


Time to be a Human Being 

At the risk of sounding like a dick, if you can’t break off $10–$100 dollars to aid the victims of what is shaping up to be one of the greatest human disasters in world history, you are either dirt poor or need some serious help.

There is no excuse for those of us living in paradise not to give. No excuse.

Send a check or money order to:

American Red Cross
International Response Fund
P.O. Box 37243
Washington, D.C. 20013

Or donate online here. Make sure to select International Response Fund.


Drunk on Kool-Aid 

Couldn’t agree more with this.


Tuesday, December 28, 2004

A Pittance for the Brown People 

Just when I thought it wasn’t possible to hold these people in deeper contempt.





Monday, December 27, 2004

The Royal Scam 

Social Security is the most successful social program in this country’s history.

Social Security protects the retired, elderly, and disabled from slipping into poverty, and hence benefits all Americans.

Social Security is a transfer of retirement income from one generation to the next; it is a covenant rooted in decency, responsibility, and community—Christian values all.

Social Security, under its present structure, will remain solvent until 2042, at which point it would pay out 80 percent benefits. The remaining 20 percent will be covered by income tax revenues beginning in 2018.

Social Security would remain solvent indefinitely if Bush and the Republicans reduced by 3 percent their massive tax breaks to the obscenely rich.

Or stopped giving billions of your dollars to the Halliburton/Iraq sinkhole of death and terrorist creation.

Or discontinued the multi-trillion dollar program to militarize space (does terrorism emanate from space?).

Or stopped raiding the Social Security trust fund to pay for a war they told us would be paid for out of Iraq oil revenues (payments to begin immediately following the location of weapons of mass destruction and cleanup of all the flowers and candy showered upon our troops by grateful Iraqis).

The privatization of Social Security is a handout to Wall Street banking interests, who a) finance Republicans, b) could give a rat’s ass about you or your grandmother, c) will receive trillions of dollars in fund management fees.

Knowledgeable and reputable economists (i.e., those not on BushCo’s payroll) agree that privatization would not increase retirement income and would only add risk.


When Bush tells you that Social Security is in crisis,

Remember this important fact:

He is a fucking liar

Please read.


A Poem 

The war on Iraq is lost
You’re wrong. The insurgency is limited to—
The war on Iraq is lost
No, there will be elections at the end of—
The war on Iraq is lost
Would you prefer that Saddam—
The war on Iraq is lost
It’s been tough going, but things will get—
The war on Iraq is lost
We need to support the tr—
The war on Iraq is lost
American prestige is on the line, so—
The war on Iraq is lost
Halliburton is best prepared to—
The war on Iraq is lost

Hey, dumbfuck: The war on Iraq is lost.


Just a Few Bad Apples 

And what sexually twisted apples they are.

Who says winning the hearts and minds of the Arab world can’t be kinky, too?
WASHINGTON - At least 10 current and former detainees at the U.S. military prison in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, have lodged allegations of abuse similar to the incidents described by FBI agents in newly released documents, claims that were denied by the government but that gained credibility with the reports from the agents, their attorneys say.

The detainees who made public claims of torture at Guantanamo Bay describe a prison camp in which abuse is employed as a coordinated tool to aid interrogators and as punishment for minor offenses.

They say military personnel beat and kicked them while they had hoods on their heads and tight shackles on their legs, left them in freezing temperatures and stifling heat, subjected them to repeated, prolonged rectal exams, and paraded them naked around the prison as military police snapped pictures.

In some allegations, the detainees claim they have been threatened with sexual abuse. British detainee Martin Mubanga, one of Mickum's clients, wrote his sister that the American military police were treating him like a "rent boy," British slang for a male prostitute.

A group of released British detainees claim that several young prisoners told them they were raped and sexually violated after guards took them to isolated sections of the prison.

They said an Algerian man was "forced to watch a video supposedly showing two detainees dressed in orange, one sodomizing the other, and was told that it would happen to him if he didn't cooperate."
Full article here.

Remember, people, it’s about the moral values.


Saturday, December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas, Halliburton! 

From all of us.


Friday, December 24, 2004

Oops! The "Mayor of America" is a Major Scuzzbag 

And the chickens are coming home.

You'll recall that Saint Rudy was the BushCo point man in the smear campaign against Kerry, so I’ll take the small conciliation prize that the halo is coming off this slimeball. Yes, I’m quite enjoying his futile attempts to distance himself from the common street thug who Bush chose to protect America. No sale, Rudy.

So much for that 2008 presidential bid.


Thursday, December 23, 2004

Merry Christmas. Your Son is Dead.  

And it’s all my fault.

Thank goodness half the country still believes I’m God’s quarterback.


Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Hey, Shitheads: Is More of This What You Voted For? 

What? You didn’t get your fill of needless death, torture, and lies the first time around?

Can't get enough of those Republican values?

I am speechless.

Wait, no I'm not.

This country continues its spiral down the toilet, and I can remain blog silent no longer.

I think what finally brought me back was the slew of newly adhered “W” bumper stickers I’m seeing everywhere on gas-sucking trophy trucks in which the braindead are carting their idiotic selves. Seriously, I believe there’s actually more Bush vehicle signage in circulation now than there was before the election!

Yes, that’s encouraging.

Now that the lying fake cowboy asshole has secured a second term, the imbeciles have decided that it's safe—and way freakin’cool— to go public with their support for him. Man, I can’t think of anything more emblematic of the sickening herd-think of Bush America. It’s kind of like getting a t-shirt with a picture of the devious asshole that wins “Survivor,” or buying the CD collection of lowest-common-denominator crap released by the victor of “American Idol.”

Oh, but wait!

Now we’re hearing that Bush’s approval ratings are sinking, and the war in Iraq is becoming increasingly unpopular. A growing number of Republicans appear to be having buyer’s remorse.

We’ll sure.... yeah, I can understand this.

After all, it wasn’t really clear BEFORE the election that both the war on Iraq and the Bush presidency were complete and utter frauds. Hell, no! Back then he was still the badass sheriff, kickin’ terrorist ass and fixin’ up the economy.

C’mon, off their backs; they didn’t know.

These are the same mental giants that "weren't comfortable with the direction the country was going” under Bush, but "voted for him anyway."

Yes, this putrid hunk of feces on my plate will probably make me violently ill, but I’m going to eat it anyway.

Christ, we are SURROUNDED by Bush morons. HELP!

Well, at least the “liberal media” are doing their usual bang-up job of holding BushCo’s feet to the fire. Sure, performing Pravda-esque feats of Pentagon stenography and peddling the White House lie that social security is going belly-up next week is just what I expect out of the fourth estate.

Yes, CNN, by all means do continue to perform fellatio on the fake president. You're doing a splendid job.

So, I’m back. I’m totally horrified and pissed off. And I don’t care about being overly clever or nuanced or—as is now clear— watching my language. I invite you once again to share in my pain as we await the day that the spell is broken and the Bush bastards do the perp walk in shackles.

Dare to dream.